The phrases “let it go” and “get over it” are the most hurtful words a human being would want to hear especially if it involves people or things we love or wish we had but never did. Today let’s address a certain elephant in the room, Breakups and Mental Health.

How Breakups Affect Our Mental Health

How do breakups affect our mental health and how do we or should we handle it? We are in the 21st century, the world is evolving and with the new generation, you would not believe how young some people get into the dating world. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids start dating at an average age of 12 and a half for girls and 13 and a half for boys. That might seem crazy in the African context but in this era,  there is literally nothing new under the sun.

I can only imagine how a thirteen-year-old would react if her boyfriend breaks up with her, leave alone a 22-year-old like me. Breakups come in so many forms, they can be mutual, one-sided, and some even just ghost their partners and walk out of their lives without saying a thing. As much as some people might seem to be taking breakups lightly or rather fail to react to them, they are hurting inside. This might be because they are used to getting hurt that they no longer care whether their partners leave or not, some might get into depression and even lose hope in love or getting into romantic relationships, while others don`t mind  bearing the notion “there is plenty of fish in the sea.”

We are all aware that letting go or getting over someone you invested your feelings in is not as easy as people make it sound. Letting go might take months or even years depending on how much a person invested in their previous relationship, and it is okay. It’s almost like mourning a dead person but only they are alive. I know of a quote, “What hurts worse? Grieving someone dead, or someone who`s just dead to you?” Even though letting go might take a while, the healing process matters. 

Study shows that breakups affect a lot of young people, especially university students and have an effect on their academic performance and might lead to health issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, self-harm and even suicide as observed in the several reported cases in Kenya in the previous two or so months.

Some Tips For Managing Your Mental Health During Breakups

Adjusting to changes after a break-up can also be tough, as one is transitioning from companionship to a state of singlehood- where you have no one to give you a kind of love that does not come from friends or family. It’s time we agree that romance and consummate are both special kinds of love. So, how do we go about it when we feel like our mental health is at stake during or after a breakup? Here are a few tips from the Onelove website.

  1. Allow yourself to fully feel everything you`re feeling

I think that this is the most important part. Before you decide to move on with your life, learn to accept that it has happened and there`s nothing that can be done. Well, apart from you wanting to get back with your ex, which is not advisable. Cry, rant and allow yourself to experience this. It is only a stage that everyone passes through. Avoid self-harm at all costs. You are still precious.

  1. Establish physical and emotional boundaries with your ex

Avoid every place or anything that might lead you to meet your ex. Don`t try this cliché of wanting to go back and take the stuff that you forgot while leaving. It might be dangerous especially if the relationship was toxic. Get rid of their photos and block them on all social media platforms to avoid being coerced into talking to them.

  1. Gather your support system

Have a list of people you trust and who are close to you. It might be your friends or family. Open up to them and don’t be scared to be vulnerable around them. This will give you comfort as you will not feel as lonely.

  1. Keep a routine and take care of your physical health

Some young people tend to get so stressed that they binge eat. This is very unhealthy. Keep in mind that having a routine doesn’t necessarily mean that you do strenuous workouts or spend a lot of time in the gym. You can go for walks, picnics, yoga or even taking dance classes.

  1. Re-establish your self-confidence and independence

This is the time to do what you never had time to do while in the relationship. Learn new skills, and put more effort into what you love doing. It is normal to feel alone but this is your time to learn how to fight your own battles and rise on your own. You’re an art that never got the chance to be appreciated by the right person. Keep your chin up.

  1. Seek professional help for additional support

A lot of people don’t like talking about their feelings with strangers and hence avoid seeking professional help. This would be so important if nothing is working out and you are on the verge of losing hope in life and your mental health is deteriorating by the day with no change.

Final Thoughts

As a Millennial or Gen Z, you should keep in mind that life is not all roses and that the people you love are the ones who hurt you when you least expect it. Break-ups are a part of life and as long as you start involving yourself in romantic relationships, you are bound to experience this at least until you meet the love of your life. Sorry to break it to you but your mental health is much more important than that lady or man who treats you less than you deserve. Also, sometimes love fades and it’s healthy to part ways.

 Shirlene O. ❤❤❤