Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. This is one of the famous passages from the Bible when it comes to matters of love. It says that love bears all things. All things? Yes, all things. LOVE bears all things. But outside of love, should you bear things that are not healthy for you? Let’s dig in deeper and clarify this issue as we find out more. 

We have grown up getting varying definitions of love from books, songs, movies, etc. For most of these, they portray love as a beautiful thing that should last forever. They portray some difficult moments that people in love go through and how most of them endure. While we all have our shortcomings and we are advised to accept our partners with theirs and love them as they are, there should be a clear line that shows where love ends and where toxicity begins. Today, I’ll share a few tips on how you can tell if this line has been reached and crossed. 

  1. Total and complete focus on the relationship ONLY. While it is good to be committed to your relationship and your partner, it becomes toxic when you do not have a life beyond them and the scope of your relationship. If you no longer want to hang out with your friends, you don’t want to participate in activities that do not involve you being with your partner, you always blow off all plans so that you can be with your partner, whether voluntarily or out of obligation, then you might need to assess your relationship.
  2. No power balance in the relationship. If only one person always has the say in the relationship, it’s definitely not healthy. The other party feels like they are neither valued nor trusted. If there is never any negotiation or compromise, and it’s only one party who has to always make the sacrifices, that is definitely a toxic relationship.
  3. Always trying to change the other person. In a relationship, one sometimes needs to make some adjustments so as to accommodate the other. But a relationship where your partner is always trying to make you change in order to fit their description of a ‘perfect’ partner, despite how you feel about it, is a toxic relationship. 
  4. Overdependence on one partner. A relationship where you always depend on your partner to fix you or fill up spaces where you lack is not healthy. A healthy relationship involves lifting each other up and supporting each other in the decisions they make. When this is one-sided, it will drain the party that is being depended on all the time and this creates a toxic environment. 

As humans, we naturally want to form relationships with other people and especially those that give us warmth and comfort. We want to feel special and valued by someone. However, sometimes we want this so much that we are blind to all the negative we are getting from such a relationship. If you notice any of the above signs and trends in your relationships, I hope you realize that you deserve better and you need to leave that relationship. And I hope that you actually do. Sending love and light.

Sharonah ❤❤❤