Hello and welcome back Millenial readers. Last week, we looked at partners who de-love us and how to identify them. Today, we shall look at how to deal with such partners once we identify them. We hope this will be an insightful experience and a learning opportunity for all of us. 

For the better part, a relationship is supposed to build you, benefit you, nurture you, and build your self-esteem. However, for others, this is at times the exact opposite. Last week we looked at characteristics of such. Research shows that people with low self-esteem are likely to keep staying in bad or toxic relationships. So, even when you’re with a partner who de-loves you, you are more likely to keep staying there. Today, however, we shall share tips to help you navigate this.

Talk to your partner 

Sometimes, our partners may not know that they are de-loving us. We could even be de-loving our partners yet we are unaware of this. It is therefore helpful to reach out to our partners and let them know how we feel and the impact their actions are having on our lives. Express yourself clearly and let them know and understand that what they are doing is having a negative effect on you and they need to stop. They will listen, understand, and work on rectifying if they are a good partner. 

However, if they dismiss your feelings and keep on de-loving you, then it might be time for you to leave that relationship. A toxic environment relationship isn’t good for your mental health and wellbeing. So if you are in a place where your feelings are not taken into consideration and your partner keeps tearing you down instead of building you up, that is an environment you should leave. If you also think you are de-loving your partner, you should work on rectifying that and providing a safe space for them to grow and thrive into the best versions of themselves. 

Work on building your self-esteem

The higher your self-esteem is, the higher your self-love is and the better you will know yourself and your worth. Having high self-esteem will allow you to understand what to settle for and when to leave when your standards are not being met. Now, don’t get me wrong and set extremely high standards in the name of having very high self-esteem. Know who you are, your worth, and what you deserve, then use this as a filter against what you are getting in the relationship. 

At the bare minimum, we all deserve love and respect in a relationship. But would you think yourself worthy of love from your partner if you don’t find yourself worthy enough to love yourself? I doubt. So, before seeking these things from a partner, it is important to give them to yourself. Work on loving yourself and viewing yourself as worthy of love and every other good thing, then you will see you’re deserving of this from your partner and you’ll be able to walk away or take the appropriate measures needed. 

To work on your self-esteem, you can give yourself positive affirmations each day, identify your strengths and work to improve them while congratulating yourself for that much, focus on the positive areas in your life, do activities you enjoy, try and build positive relationships while cutting off the negative ones, and as always, remember to be kind to yourself.

Set firm boundaries

We saw that one of the characteristics of a partner who de-loves you is that they talk down on you and treat you like a child. Sometimes they can be so controlling and want to be the only ones making decisions. If you let them do this once or twice, they will see it as a norm and will keep doing it. They will walk all over you. If you have such a partner, set firm boundaries. Let them know that you are not a child and they should address you like the adult that you are. When they try to shut you down, let them know that you have as much right to talk as they do and that your opinions are also valid and should be heard. 

If they want to talk down to you like a child, tell them you will not have it. If they are being too aggressive or controlling and don’t want to give you a chance to speak, you can let them know that the conversation is over and you will not let them talk to you like that. Once they see you have set firm boundaries, they will realize they cannot cross them and will begin to treat you in the way you deserve. 

Final thoughts

Having a partner who deloves us can be a very tough and painful experience. We want all of us to be in loving relationships that are good for our mental health and well-being. So, if you feel like you are in a relationship where your partner de-loves you, we hope that you can follow the tips given above and that they will be helpful. Do share with us other tips you might have and whether these work(ed) for you. 

Sharonah ❤❤❤