Have you ever looked back after a breakup and noticed how much a partner lowered your self-esteem, or as we’ll call it today, de-loved you? Made you love yourself less and think less of yourself? Now, don’t get me wrong, not all partners are like this. We also have exes who brought out the best in us and made us more confident and love ourselves more. Those partners who set the bar taught us not to settle for less because we deserve the best. But that’s not what we’ll talk about today. 

Today we talk about those exes who brought us down, who lowered our self-esteem, who always just brought out the ‘ugly’ part of ourselves and made us love ourselves less and less each day. Whether you discovered this during the relationship or after the breakup, I’m still happy you did, and I hope you left because no one deserves a lover who de-loves them. In today’s context, we’ll use de-love as the opposite of love – or to refer to ‘loving’ you in a negative way. We will look at how to tell if your partner de-loves you and what to do in such a situation.

Let’s dive right in and list some of the red flags to look out for in a partner who de-loves you. 

  1. Making all decisions without consulting you.

Whether someone has a more ‘leader-like’ personality, or is the head of the household, making a decision that involves the relationship or the both of you should be made by the both of you. We can forgive the one or two times when decisions were made by just one party, but a partner who constantly wants to be the one making all the decisions is a red flag and a big characteristic of someone who de-loves you. It shows that they don’t have faith in your decision-making capabilities. 

  1. Not taking part in things that mean a lot to you.

Whether in your career or your passion, we all want our special person to be there to support us. We want them to come go to an event with us, to come to watch our game, to watch us perform on stage, etc. Having a partner who constantly turns down invites to the things you love is a red flag. Despite your personality and love language differences, your partner should be among your biggest supporters or should at least try to. This does not mean they have to show up for everything but their efforts would mean a lot. So watch out for a partner who always comes up with excuses or reasons not to be there for you. 

  1. Talk to you like a child.

If your partner speaks to you in a condescending tone, they are speaking to like you’re stupid or dumb. If they do this to you, whether in public or in private, it shows they do not respect you and do not value you. They want to have control over you and tell you what to do and what not to do. Watch out for this character in a partner.

  1. They keep shutting you down.

Saying no is okay, but saying no to someone all the time is a reason for concern. A partner who always says no to you lowers your self-esteem and makes you doubt your capability and self-worth. This partner is out to diminish you, whether intentionally or not, and you should beware of such. 

  1. Constantly dismiss your feelings.

If you realise that every time you try to speak to your partner, they try to dismiss you, then that’s a red flag. They can try and diminish your feelings or do not fully pay attention to what you’re saying or how you’re feeling. They may also try to bring up their own issues when you try to speak about what’s bothering you. 

  1. Always redoing things you’ve done.

Counter-checking is okay, but constantly rechecking and redoing what you’ve done is a sign that your partner doesn’t have faith in you and/or doesn’t trust you to do what you are expected to do. 

If this is you or someone you know, I encourage you to assess that relationship and see whether you check many of these red flags. Then, be sure to join us next week as we discuss how to deal with such partners. Sending love and light. 

Sharonah ♡♡♡