“I tried to talk to my parents about why I was sad because of what my friend had done while playing but they brushed me away as part of the game without actually listening to me.” 

“My first day at school was very difficult, I simply couldn’t wait to get home and talk to someone about it. When I tried to mention it to my mum, she simply dismissed it as being the first day. She never really listened to me or paid attention to how I felt.” 

“We never have emotional or sensitive discussions in our family. None of us is allowed to be emotional or vulnerable.” 

“Growing up, my parents always had work to do or a meeting to attend and never really spent any quality time with my siblings and I.”

Do any or all of these statements sound familiar to you? They came from people who faced emotional neglect while growing up. Their parents or caregivers didn’t have time for them, they were not allowed to speak about their emotions and feelings, they were not allowed to be vulnerable, and above that, they were shown that their feelings did not matter and this is what they grew up believing. 

Emotional neglect occurs when a significant other or parent(s) continuously disregards, invalidates, or ignores one’s affectional and emotional needs. People in such families are emotionally disconnected from each other. Parents may find it hard to understand their family’s need for compassion, sympathy, intimacy, love and support, and they may even feel overwhelmed or unable to provide these requirements on a regular basis.

Some of the signs of emotional neglect in children include:

  • Finding it difficult to ask for help.
  • Low self esteem.
  • Inability to clearly express their feelings and emotions.
  • Feeling guilty or ashamed for having feelings and emotions.
  • Poor relationships with their friends and peers.
  • Finding it challenging to spend time with their parents or do activities together.

It’s important to note that whether or not a child has been emotionally neglected must be determined by experienced professionals. 

Some of the signs that you are emotionally neglectful as a parent include:

  • Always/often dismiss your children’s feelings and emotions.
  • Barely spending time with your children and thus making them feel unwanted and unloved.
  • Not allowing your children to be emotional or vulnerable to you.
  • Not paying attention when your children speak to you. 
  • Less affection or positive affirmations and feedback to the children.
  • Being uninvolved in their lives. 
  • Not assisting the children when they are performing assistance-based tasks.
  • Not offering encouragement to the children. 

Being a victim of emotional neglect is difficult. Even as we try to find ways to address this, it is important for you as a parent to not be emotionally neglectful to your children. Assess yourself among the list given above and try to correct this and be more present to your children. If not careful to recognize and deal with emotional neglect, a child who was emotionally neglected can grow up to be a parent who emotionally neglects their children. 

These parents can be;

  • Reluctant towards attending to their children’s needs, especially when their children are sad, crying, or seeking emotional support. 
  • They may envy their children, or be jealous of them, because they see their children as too demanding and difficult to satisfy. 

I’ve heard people say they were emotionally neglected while growing up. Others say it’s an ‘African family’ thing, and we should not expect to westernize our culture. This is wrong! 

We all deserve to be listened to especially as we grow up as this plays a big role in who we become later on in life. Our emotional and affectional needs should be validated and appreciated. 

Join us next week as we discuss the effects of childhood emotional effects in the long run and tackle how to deal with emotional neglect 

Sharonah ❤❤❤