“A cousin of mine once tried changing her skin colour by bleaching her face with Jik. So akachukua container, akaweka jik kiasi, dipped her fingers in it and tried to  smear some on her face. She ended up having a white line penye jik ilikuwa imeshika kwa uso😬”

“Lakini ni social pressure😅 of late imebidi nidelete IG for my mental healths sake … my feed imejaa 23 year olds driving subbies and audis …. mi nkienda fom weekend moja narudi kwa diet ya kdf na maji🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️ social media  inaleta pressure haiko makes everyones life to seem perfect unashangaa kwani ni we solo vitu zako haziwork”

“Sometimes it’s not our fault. It starts from parents comparing you to your siblings e.t.c. such make you feel you are not good enough”

“😂😂😂mi kuna time i was soo skinny hadi sikuwa natoka nje ya hao bila sweater”

And then some idiot called me bag of bones siku moja,,,,,,ilikiwa kiasi tupigane😤”

The above excerpts are from SIKI YOUTHS KU CHAPTER, following a recent discussion on Insecurities. SIKI KU is a platform to address societal problems and mental health. (https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=1-7KH4sMUxFkqrCd1oDLUiTEaXGrTMPzx)

There’s no debate whatsoever that the above case studies cut across most of us in one way or another,and the similarity of our Insecurities spell great triumph and great concern too. It’s a great triumph because the more of us are or have been insecure,the easier it becomes to source for help and opening up. It’s also a great concern as many of us are into it that it becomes hard not to be a victim. Remember Hurt people hurt people,?

Today, however, we will focus on the silver lining that’s in our stormy clouds. We will search for the straw that saved a drowning man, and definitely, we will become more aware of our solutions just as we have become aware of our struggles and faults. 

By and large, we have been forced to find means and channels as outlets for ourselves when we feel insecure. Some of these so-called outlets are varied per person and without careful assessment, they can be confused with personal traits. So how then do we exhibit Insecurities?

a) Bullying. 

Often than not, bullies are a classical manifestation of a more internal struggle than the victims. Sometimes,it’s the child who feels pressed at home who ends up oppressing others in school. The Watchman who lacks validation from his or her family becomes really aggressive and a bully at work especially in public spaces. This is a grey area that needs a lot of cross talk with the bully to ascertain the roots.

b) Social withdrawal. 

For most us it’s that comment we fear making on an interesting article you’ve just read. Or the fear to approach public spaces for fear of being Infront of people. There are those with a skeptical view of partying too,which is not based on ” type of party” but rather ” people scare” me. As a social species, out integration with the rest of the world is quite important unless disfigured by personal and social Insecurities.

c) In relationships

For some reasons, this is some sort of level ground for a person because we tend to lower our guard when we are in the presence of those we love. Naturally and instinctively. However, relationships expose a chunk of ourselves that we didn’t know exists. Personal Insecurities are under intense exposure, our abilities are put on the line, our belief systems are challenged etc. The toxic wife who never wants her husband to go out alone for fear of being rejected, the insecure boyfriend who is always nervous whenever the girlfriend is seen around other males other than himself. The money issue that arises when the wife becomes richer than the man, and for Insecurities sake, the man becomes too harsh and on the edge, and Extremely authoritative in a bid to consolidate his authority in the house. A melee of sorts.

I could go on and on and on, but enough with the cries, we need to know how to cope. How to belong, and how to compete favourably. On this healing section, I considered bringing on board an expert in the field to help us unmask his issue. Here’s what she shared:

KIRINDI ODINDO
Clinical/Health Psychologist & Psychotherapist
Trauma & Well-being Practitioner
Psycho-social, Gender & Reintegration Consultant
Diversity & Inclusion; Conflict Transformation
Tel: +254 722 240 789
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

1. Are Insecurities always bad? Are there chances of Insecurities being a positive factor?

THEY ARE NOT GOOD OR BAD; IT’S THE CONSEQUENCES AND RESPONSES TO THEM THAT CREATE THE EXPERIENCE AND OUTCOMES OF POSITIVITY OR NEGATIVITY. OUR IDENTITIES DETERMINE OUR OUTLOOK AND SHAPE OUR ACTIONS. 

2. How can you classify Insecurities?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN CLASSIFICATIONS ON INSECURITIES. IT IS A STATE OF BEING BASED ON SELF-DOUBT, A LACK OF CONFIDENCE, VALUE, TRUST IN  THEMSELVES, OTHERS AND THEIR WORLD . FEAR UNDERPINNING IT ALL – OF THE UNKNOWN, OF LOSING CONTROL, OF FAILURE, REJECTION, ALIENATION, AND ABANDONMENT. IT CAN BE FUELED BY UNDERLYING FACTORS AND ALSO FUEL////LONELINESS, SOCIAL ANXIETY, DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS, PERFECTIONISM, UNHEALTHY AMBITION , COMPETITION AND DRIVE.

3. A Lot of times we are told to let go of bad memories in our lives and give life a second chance. How is this possible?

THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TOPIC; – IT WILL OPEN ANOTHER THREAD.

4. Some Insecurities are brought about by past hurt and trauma from persons who are close e.g fathers, mothers,uncles ,pastors that affect current perception of certain topics or gender. How best would you advise on such?

WORKING WITH THE WOUNDS (INTERNAL & EXTERNAL) FROM THE TRAUMA, IDENTIFYING THE ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES, ACCEPTING THE REALITY, HAVING HEALTHY SUPPORT NETWORK TO JOURNEY  AND MAKING A CHOICE TO HEAL.

5. As a generation, we have been exposed to so many social media platforms, and have had to compare ourselves with our peers, and with role models. Is comparison a vice we should shun away from? If not, where do we draw the line?

THIS IS CONTEXTUAL AND PERSONAL. IN GENERAL, OUR SOCIAL CONSTRUCTION DETERMINES THE MESSAGING AND UNDERLYING BELIEFS ON WHAT THE NORM IS AND WHETHER WE ARE OUTLIERS OR CONFORMISTS TO THE LABELS THAT ARE IN EXISTENCE. WHAT IDENTITIES AND VALUE SYSTEMS WE ADOPT WILL BE INFLUENCED BY OUR STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT WHETHER WE ARE FULLY INTEGRATED WITH OUR MISSION AND PURPOSE.

6. What’s your take on body shaming? 

THIS TOO IS ITS WHOLE OTHER TOPIC AND THERE IS EVIDENCE-BASED RESEARCH THAT LOOKS AT IMPACT AND HEALTHY LIFESTYLE REALITIES. LIKE ALL OTHER DEVIATIONS & DIFFERENCES, WHAT IS THE UNDERLYING INJURY THAT SHAME OPERATING ON?

7. How best can we compete favourably,and healthy without falling into severe Insecurity habits and issues? 

  • GET GROUNDED!
  • DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS “KNOW THY SELF!”
  • LEARN TO SELF-REGULATE!
  • VALUE-BASED SELF-MANAGEMENT!
  • RESILIENCE BUILDING TO STRENGTHEN RESOLVE AND FOSTER PERSEVERANCE!
  • SOCIAL SKILLS ACQUISITION!
  • FIND YOUR PURPOSE!
  • SELF CARE AND DISCOVER YOUR INTERESTS & PASSION!
  • ADOPTING HEALTHY COPING STRATEGIES!
  • SEEK SUPPORT IN HEALING INNER WOUNDS!

8. Your parting shot on the topic?

ALL SAID

9. How can millenials reach you in case they want more advice, insights or even counseling?

TWITTER: @mindsetPEACE;

EMAIL: psychologypractice.kenya@gmail.com

My take – find yourself,build yourself.

Self awareness is important!

Knowing oneself knows the triggers,the end points and the turning points makes them less susceptible to Insecurities.

Humility

Knowing one can’t be best is important in having a good attitude towards those offering ‘competition’ and a right reaction when in presence of those ” stronger”.

I hope this helps. If not,reach out to me or the above practitioner.

Peace and love.

Dan_King’s 💪💪